LisainLebanon

Direction Dubai

2005-12-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

Captain Pugwash ain't got nothing on me. Obviously I didn't drive His Excellency Captain Peter's boat all the way to Dubai but I hope you appreciate my dreamlike sense of imagery. Goodbye Beirut. I'll be back.
Check out my new blog www.lisadoesdubai.blogspot.com

Leaving...on a jet plane

2005-10-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Well, it's working out. I'm off to the desert of Dubai on 16th October for a new life. Hate to leave my friends in Beirut but not the corruption! Looking forward to a step up the career ladder and a life befitting a 'lady of my standing' (Oooh! La dee dah Lisa!). Life is hectic - packing up, preparing for the move (and chasing the companies who owe me money!). Yulla! Dubai, here I come!

Antici...pation

2005-09-27T03:24:00.000-07:00

Back in Beirut, on tenderhooks waiting for the big decision. Flying back to Lebanon, I had a good long thought about 'what if?' I love Beirut and I have made so many friends over the years here, but I've had it up to here (i.e. top of my head) with the chaotic life of a freelancer. Rushing here there and everywhere for work and then chasing, chasing, chasing when it comes to persuading people to cough up the money they owe. The time has come to get back on the career wagon.

Nerves of Steel

2005-09-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

...12 noon today - Dubai. Being interviewed for the post of PR account manager for big time ad and marketing agency. Done my homework, got the suit, now just gearing myself up for the moment of truth. Fingers crossed!

Ahlan Abu Dhabi

2005-09-22T04:06:00.000-07:00

Flew into Abu Dhabi last night. A world away from Beirut it seems, although it's just three hours as the crow flies over Syria, Iraq, and Saudi.
Shopping malls like you've never seen before, hoards of British and US expat kids screaming their heads off while elegant local Emirati women glide along in their black chadoors with eye make up to shame a drag queen!
Have just bought a Wi-Fi card for my laptop. Hope I don't need a PhD in I.T. to hook myself up to the internet (Ports - where are you?!).
So here goes 4 delightful days of chilling with Boyo...

Banging Beirut

2005-09-19T10:27:00.000-07:00

Needless to say, you probably have seen the news about the jolly old car bombs going off here. The odd thing is no one is owning up. You'd think if you cause havoc, debris, and death in the name of some cause, you'd have the decency to take responsibility. That's what the IRA used to do in London. But oh no not here - they keep you guessing.
The mysterious bombers are placing suitcases under cars during the night, only in Christian areas. Thankfully, I live in the Muslim district of Hamra - ok, my apartment is on a Greek Orthodox street but we are surrounded by 'hijab-land' so should be ok.
Every now and then the anarchy of Lebanon gets to me. What do I mean? I'll give you a few examples
....traffic - no rules WHATSOEVER...drive on whatever side of the road you want - totally ignore traffic lights - and drinking and driving is positively a national pastime.
My mate Rosie took her fathers $45,000 Cadillac for a spin one night and ended up flying through the air over an intersection right next to where the Hariri bombsite is. Soldiers ran over thinking it was another attack. When they discovered it was a young girlie, they turned all protective - offering to cover up the whole accident and pretend it was a hit and run.
...work - "If you don't shut up, I will dip your ears in yoghurt, tie you up and feed you to the rats." That's what my dear former employer (nickname Ramzi El Hara - Ramzi the shit) told another former employee who like me has escaped the wrath of the halitosis monster. HR management is an undiscovered concept in this part of the world.
...money - Getting people to pay for work undertaken is like getting blood out of a stone. To date, I have written off nearly $10,000 of unpaid fees.
...respect for the opposite sex - the 19 year old nipper who had a millisecond grab of my right boob in the back of a taxi one day (before I wacked him one big-stylie) took it one step further. But if you are blonde, blue-eyed and 6 foot tall, the dirty old men of Lebanon (and believe you me there are squadrons of them) think you are Russian (translation - whore). I have taken it upon myself to campaign for the rights of anonymity whilst walking down the street by confronting ANYONE who makes a lurid comment or leer by shouting 'Arraf' which is a combination of disgusting and shame-on-you. So far, this has been quite effective!
...narcissm - I have never been anywhere in the world where people love themselves soooo much. Today in the female locker room of my gym, a young woman sat waiting for her friends. To while away the good 10 minutes, she sat staring at herself in the mirror, taking different poses to see which one looked most alluring.

So I'm escaping to Abu Dhabi for a few days to see Boyo. Desert logic, that's Abu Dhabi. Nicely structured, clean but very very hot!

But there are many good things about Beirut....
the madness - as you can imagine, every day brings a new challenge and bizarre situations.
the spirit - the mediterranean strive for life is alive and kicking here
the luxury - where else could I hop on a speedboat, chill by a pool, workout in a 5-star spa/gym for almost nothing, dine at the most fabulous restaurants and drink the most fantastic cocktails
the friends - from ghostwriter Jihad, to the whiplash twins (Marti & Janmarie), beauty princess Irene and her mum Margot, web addicted copywriter Helen, and His Lord High Excellency Captain Peter. Need I say more.

South African Adventures

2005-08-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

Just one of my trainees from my whirlwind tour of with Business & Arts South Africa. This is an example of true entrepreneurial spirit at its best. Aldren sells chickens to raise money for his artistic endeavours such as The Riboolla Cultural Tourism route and developing mass orders for local crafts with national retailers. Great mind....Great T-shirt!

Beirut Biloma

2005-05-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote an update. So much has happened. Boyo packed up his flat, moved into mine for a week and then took himself and his golf clubs off to Abu Dhabi. Text messages and phonecalls will keep us going until I go over there on 12 June for a week. While I'm there, I'll be popping up to Dubai to meet the theatrical luvvies who I'm talking to about a job. So keep your fingers crossed, guys!
Work is a bind now the sun is out. Pumping out corporate brochures, design magazines and even articles for Windsor Polo Club's Arabian Cup (chukka!). Managing to sneak off to the beach now and again to soak up the summer's first rays.
Off to South Africa in July for a whirlwind tour of the country, and Boyo has instructed me to go to a rugby match out there. How horrific! Imagine, a bundle of burly young men beating the life blood out of each other - can't wait!

STILL ALIVE by Adel Nassar

2005-03-02T10:49:00.000-08:00

As of today
I'll take care of my hair
And I'll pick a modern hairdo
I will look in the mirror
Once again
I'll wash my face
Every morning
And I'll make sure my body is nimble
I'll take care of my looks
And I'll be more interested in fashion
I'll learn how to use the internet
And I'll buy a cell phone
I'll pick a modern youthful car
And browse Playboy magazines
My salary will not be enough
But I'll borrow money and I'll manage
For since they left
Our city
And I saw them leaving
I realized that I
Am still alive

(published the other day in An-Nahar newspaper. Thanks to Tony Chakar for waving it up)

A New Dawn for Lebanon

2005-02-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

The government closed off the city centre at 4pm on Saturday. The entire country is on strike today. Thousands of people congregated outside the Parliament downtown as the politicians, including Rafic Hariri's sister, debated on the future of the country inside. While one MP was speaking - Marwan Hamade (who had been the target of a car bomb only a few months ago), the prime minister of Lebanon - Omar Karami - fell asleep. Then, another MP called for a minutes silence at the precise time Rafic Hariri this time two weeks ago. The Speaker of the Parliament, Nabih Berri, piped up 'What time is it? When do we have to finish?" ...if it was in a cartoon, we'd be laughing.
Well, they're all crying now. As of 7pm this evening, the government of Lebanon resigned! I don't know what will happen next but there'll be dancing on the streets tonight, that's for sure!

2005-02-28T05:30:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, a 500 kg bomb exploded, killing 16 people, injuring 100s and damaging no less than 15 hotels in the seaside district of Ain El Mreisseh in Beirut. The finger immediately pointed to Syria, who, only months earlier, had detonated a car bomb in an attempt to assassinate the politician, Marwan Hamade. This time, however, they succeeded and killed the former PM, Rafic Hariri, a businessman/politician who had rebuilt Lebanon and its capital and was jettisoning back the country onto its old pedestal as the Paris of the Middle East.
Boom! In come the Swiss, in come the UN, and in come the Americans. The city is now crawling with foreigners - be they either investigators or journalists. One set of foreigners that have not-so-mysteriously jumped the Lebanese ship arethe Syrians. A large percentage of the 600,000 working in Lebanon have headed straight home, afraid if reprisals.
Tens of thousands of Lebanese - Muslims and Christians - now congregate downtown on a daily basis. The people want answers to the catalogue of unsolved assassinations, and the reels of missing person files that have never been solved. The message is loud and clear - velvet glove of Assad is no longer welcome in the country.
Despite the frustration, seething anger and serious determination, the good old Lebanese humour has already kicked in - disseminated by the technology of SMS

A researcher was travelling around the world asking people from different countries what they thought of electricity failure.
He went to USWhats your opinion on electricity failure?
Whats a failure? the American replied.
He went to SomaliaWhats your opinion on electricity failure?
Whats electricity? the Somalian replied.
Then, he went to SyriaWhats your opinion on electricity failure?
Whats an opinion? the Syrian replied.

Are you feeling lonely? Do you get the feeling no one wants to talk to you? Is no one calling you to go out? Do people stare at you in the street and cross the road? Why not ask yourself, Am I Syrian?

2005-02-26T13:15:00.000-08:00

George and Mildred - a feline eulogy to that legendary 70's British sitcom. As expected, George is being eaten by Mildred.

2005-02-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

My fairy godmothers - Janmarie and Marti. Lord have mercy! What would I do without these mad bints!

2005-02-26T13:12:00.000-08:00

The Karaoke Religion in Lebanon is very strongly followed. Worshippers, like Irene, praise the righteous sounds of Tina Turner, Shirley Bassey and of course The Weather Girls. (taken at sexy Joe's BarSol, January 2005!)

2005-02-26T13:11:00.000-08:00

Moomin with Kate and Muge in the Eel Pie pub in Twickenham. We're all teetotalers, y'know!

Welcome

2005-02-26T12:35:00.000-08:00

Technology's amazing isn't it?! Inspired by the lord of technology himself, Mr Ports, I have taken upon myself the heavy duty of composing my own blogspot. So here it goes... I hope you enjoy surfing the life of Lisa....